Cat truth: “nowhere to be found, no matter how hard you look:
Experts say: cats are good at hiding. Maybe he’s under your bed?
The truth: cats are time travelers. Yours is probably in feudal China right now. Don’t worry, he’ll come home soon (maybe)
Cat truth “one leg extended during bath time”.
Experts say: your cat is raising its leg to more easily clean itself.
The truth: forget baking classes, your cat want to learn to play the cello now. It’s emulating the act of playing cello to get your attention. Write a check for $8,000 immediately.
Cat truth: “raised Butt in your face”
Experts say: tail sniffing is normal between felines, and this is your cat’s way of saying hello to you.
The truth: your cat just cleaned its butt and ant to show it off to you. Look at the sparkling clean butt and say, “very nice but, cat. Good job.”
Cat truth: “rolling back and forth on the carpet”.
Expert say: your cat is showing submission or inviting you to play.
The truth: your cat ate some bad Thai food and is writhing in pain. Stop feeding it so much Pad See Ew.
Cat truth “showing its belly to you”
Experts say: An exposed belly is a sign of trust
The truth: An exposed belly is a trap. Your cat knows you can’t resist snuggling its furry belly, at which point it will attack you and feast on your flesh. Beware.
Cat truth “sitting in cat loaf” formation.
Experts say: your cat tucks its paws underneath it because it feels content and safe, plus it keeps body heat from escaping.
The truth: your cat is annoyed that you didn’t enroll it in baking classes and thinks the only way to get your attention is to pretend it’s an actual loaf of bread.
Cat truth “sitting on your computer” when you need to work:
Experts say: cats like warm places, and your laptop is warm.
The truth: your cat knows how many times a day you creepstalk your ex, and has decided it’s time for an intervention.
Cat truth “sleeping in boxes”.
Experts say: cats are drawn to the confined space of a box because it offers security.
The truth: Your cat is having a quarter-life crisis and thinks a trip to Mozambique would offer some worldly perspective. Tape up the box, slap on some postage, and mail your kitty to Africa.
Cat Truth: “sleeping in perfect circle”.
Experts say: sleeping in a circle conserves body heat.
The truth: time is cyclical, and nobody understands this better than cats. When your cat sleeps in a circle, it’s a sign that this world is ending and giving way to a greater, more terrifying universe.
Cat Truth: “Staring Off Into Space, Wide-Eyed
Experts say: cats have keen sense, and the smallest movement will catch their attention. They probably saw a bug or a speck of dust.
The truth: Evil, skinless demons have crossed into this realm, and only your cat can see them. Run.